Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
