Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize