Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
