sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
