the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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