she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
