i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
