u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
someone threw a dead crab at me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
