Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
