He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize