just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
