they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize