Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
