mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
