good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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