Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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