I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
