Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
