it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
