she looked like the before picture.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
