What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
