we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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