Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
