Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
time to smoke my breakfast
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
