He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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