Ketchup is God's man juice
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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