I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
