You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You've changed since you got that strap on
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
