What did we do last night that was yellow?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
BRING THE BAGELS
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
