Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
