You smell like stripper and shame
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
