It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
