I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
