you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
her facebook's as public as her vagina
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
