Redeem this text for a blowjob
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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