i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
