I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
