Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
