the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
