god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
