it wasn't lemon gatorade
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
