Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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