Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
