omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize