I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
