i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
