Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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