I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I cockslap morals
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
