You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
