I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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