We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize