that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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