U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My pussy is not your playground.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize