like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my sisters under your porch take her home
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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