Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
