You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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