so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
