thus making me awesome and them whores
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
