i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm passing your future prison.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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