I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize