Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
