Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
