i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Farmville is her only friend.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
