so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
