Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
