alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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