Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
