dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
