My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
