If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
