Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
