i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
