the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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