i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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